Anyhow, I was happily waiting for him to pick me up around 9 and he was quite punctual :) While in his car, I was happily imagining what breakfast we are gonna have for the day. But the thoughts slowly went off as time passed by. Guess what? The car was moving very slow... I stunned upon the car meter... it was 60km/h.

We reached our journey finally. With the limited time we have, we got ourselves some buns from the home-baked bakeries shop. I was quite satisfied indeed :P Did I tell you what my date plan for me yet? He brought me to his workplace and have me to play a game called the CashFlow Game. You have to know that Mun Yee and Money do not link with each other though they rhyme. Thanks to my date he actually encourages me to explore new things by insisting to me how lifeless I am all this while. So yea. Being dragged to a place where I have no idea how to walk home myself I had to indeed "open up" myself and enjoy throughout the session :)

Being the very naive me, I didn't know what was going on except for I think that those rats are too cute to be weird. Hence when people started the game and information started to overwhelm me, I started to panic. Lucky that my date was there to help me throughout the game. So nice of him right? :)

Credit to my date, this is roughly how the game runs. First, you have to choose a rat of your favorite color (I got the blue one) because we are gonna have a rat race! Next is to choose a profession card. Of all professions such as engineer, business manager etc, I chose to be a nurse instead. Then not forget your cheese, which you are gonna place it on your dreamland and buy it later. I put my cheese on the "Save the Mammals in the Ocean" which cost me 125,000 dollars :)

The idea of this game is to buy as much properties and shares as possible to generate your passive income in such a way that it exceeds your overall expenses. A lot like real life, being a nurse you do have income and expenses as well as liabilities that you will hold. Because the game was based on a balance sheet, I went a little tedious and stoned till my date came to rescue :P

I started off with a nice kick indeed. I was offered 1 dollar per share and sold it to others 5 dollar per share. Within 20 minutes, I sold my 5000 pieces of shares and gain 250k. If only life is so amazing that I got to pay off all my debts with just one step. Yet in between, I also missed my paychecks, got into downsize, and "doodads". "Doodads" are those unexpected expenses which you are require to spend money, eg. buy a music cd for 100 bucks. I then given an opportunity to do charity which enabled me to move even faster and got another big opportunity in hand with the help of my date. I actually bought a real estate which gives me 1,800 bucks of passive income in return. This 1,800 bucks, though it's not a very big amount, but it already exceed my expenses which is 1,740 bucks.. which means I got out from the race! By the time I got out from the race, I was "36 years old" (because every 30 mins of the game signifies 10 years of your life).

Me getting out the rat race, actually got a cashflow of 180,000 bucks. I was still very blur-ish that time when my super intelligent date told me that I already won -__- Everything came to me like a splash of water and the next minute I woke up I was being announced that I won! While the others were still racing inside the circles with some getting babies throughout the race and we kept congratulating each others, deep down I was feeling so inedequate that I got no babies at all! Gosh it was just a game! *slaps*

I would say I was lucky enough to be able to "buy" the "Save the Mammals" dream. My date actually provided me many guidelines throughout the process of buying. Half of me was stoning and the other half was struggling very hard with decisions making. When I finally decided to get another property to generate my passive income up to 50k (a requirement to buy dream), I was lucky enough to stop at one which gives me 75k instead. That was wow at first, within minutes then it was a yay! Because I was just 7 steps away from my "Save the Mammals" dream, and apparently the dices insisted me to move just 7 steps! With 125k cash ready on hand, I happily bought my dream.

Of all those, I realize most importantly is that no matter what your profession is, everyone of us do deserve an equal opportunity to become successful. Perhaps you have many obstacles to overcome as compare to the others, or perhaps the welcome of the newborns eventually add on another burden on you which then slow down your entire process to be successful; those actually gives you a more meaningful life than running too fast and heads no where later. A very good example was when me being the first one who got out from the race and left alone. It sorta suck the joy out of me because I was merely chasing my dream "alone" (if I were to exclude my date), and also I was holding few hundred thousands cash on hand along the journey to my dreamland without newborns at all. I think I was too attached to the game to the extend where though I got to buy my dream in the end, I wasn't that excited after all. Something were missing I guess. Yea. That's all about it.

So.. you are curious about my date, ain't you? <3

Please don't push me away.

Please let me stay by your side.

I promise I will stay happy.

Upon request and thank to certain someone, I am hereby to give fellow humans a big warning. I think this will happen for real because I was really angry when I imagine the scene. So yea.

()" .`() sumthing

Singing is therapeutic indeed. I think it helps to burn body fats also. Anyhow, I am now very motivated to work on my thesis de :)

Oops.. I almost forgot that I have an internship briefing from 12.30 to 1.30pm tomorrow! Must remember this!

It was a Father's Day before the clock strived 12am earlier. The awesome Daddy picked his own favorite food on his day, which are, as always a no no to me. Example? Fish!

Anyhow, I have my own happy meal later at night :)

I am happy again!

Smile :)

I'm glad to hear that you are doing fine. I think you have taken a huge step forward with a lot of courage in the computer lab. There could be many reasons behind the physiological reaction that happen. I can think of possibilities of what it could mean. Perhaps there is still remnant of fear in you. But I think it that it would be more meaningful for you to process your reaction. What is certain though, is that you have taken the courage to overcome your fear, that is worthy smiling for.

warmest regards,

Jun

p.s. never try to push yourself beyond your own limits.

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It's a warm email I received from my counselor earlier today. She understands me very well indeed. It all lies within the p.s. :) I do admit that I tend to push myself too hard but not always. On the contrary, I tend to underestimate my ability most of the time as well. Perhaps it is the lack of self confidence.

Throughout all these years as well as when therapies went on, I realize that I am a very strong person indeed. It is not easy for one to carry such a big burden for so many years. Oh well, that was my choice anyhow and I seriously thought that I would never ever able to let go for the rest of my life. Yet, here I am today, what's more is to my surprise that I am now being able to stand by own, and announce to the whole wide world that I have got over it :D

It is really amazing how this broken relationship eventually change me and makes me grow. It wasn't just the guilt, but also the instropections and insights gained throughout the recovery process. It wasn't just Mr Kumar and Jun that I need to thank, but also the awesomest friends of mine who has been with me for at least one to four years - Ai Li, Ivy, Sharon, Kevin, Boon Woei, Betsy, Michael, Hui Ying, Chun Feng, Ben, Edmund, and Jeff. I have to say that this bunch of friends are the most significant group of friends of mine and I don't want to lose anyone of them. Either it is fated or merely luck that I get to know these nice souls during my dark period of life. Lucky to have them by my side, shower me with lotsa loves, have me to realize my problems, give me all the physical and emotional supports I need, and encourage me to work out the full potential in me. If it wasn't for their presence, I wouldn't have the courage to open up myself; I wouldn't be able to stand by my own; and most of all, I wouldn't have resolved my issue. I really appreciate the efforts and the roles each and everyone of them plays in my life.

smile :)

At times, I feel the sudden urge to grab people away from sinking even deeper. Yet there were times which I realize I was overreacted and I should've stopped before I got myself even embarrassed. Hence I choose to sit back, relax, and start to listen instead. I choose to know only for how much the person choose to tell me and not what others try to tell me about him or her. Hence I only understand a person for how much he or she choose to reveal to me. I dare not to guess though I might be correct at times. I dare not to judge because I am not perfect either. Instead, I choose to love them for who they are, and support them for whatever decisions they make. I might not be eligible to help, I might not be right there on time when you need a hand, but hopefully you will always remember that you are not entirely alone for all these. There are people who care, there are people who want to help, there are people who want to protect you as well. Just don't give up. Certain things are no matter how much people trying to tell you it is the right thing to do, you will have to realize it yourself. If you no longer able to gain insights into the issues that is bothering you, it is a signal that you will need to start seeking help from others. That's all I want to say.

Take care.

Love,

Mandy

Hello!

Welcome to my new land.

In case you haven't been updated by me, here it is.

A short one for the time being.

I had resolved my issues.

I have got over them finally!

I am very happy. I still feel so till today.

You will accept me for who I am right?

Cheers!