SMILE ت

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Sunday, May 31, 2009

I miss the smile...
I miss the laughter...
I miss the voice..
I miss the attention...
I miss the sweet messages...
I miss the tiramisu...
I miss the moment...
I miss the person... again...

written @12:28 AM 0 comments

the little things you do..

Monday, May 25, 2009

Receiving your emails daily and reading them over and over again as if you are appearing in front of me every now and then... are the happiest things I ever did in life so far... how I wish these will never end...

Labels: indulgence, love

written @7:45 PM 0 comments

truly touched

Friday, May 22, 2009

Happiness is... wantan mee

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It all started with... if you could give me anything what would it be?

Chun Feng Goh said, "happiness."

It's wantan mee...

and he fulfilled his promise!

Labels: conversations, food, friend, indulgence

written @10:30 PM 0 comments

it's all about t.r.u.s.t.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I am being surrounded with trust issue lately. I realize that sometimes people don't tell you something is not entirely because you are not trustworthy but could be due to many reasons. It could be they don't know how to tell in words. It could be you having the same circle of friends as theirs and they are worried that the words might be spread within the group. It could be they don't see you as the right click to tell. It could be they want to heal it, deal it, and settle it themselves. It could be they need some time to be alone and to get ready to face what's troubling them. It could also be you being too ignorant or too slow to warm up when they are trying to hint something.

Listening is an art. Being able to listen to what people said is not easy. You will get an extra bonus if you are able to be in their shoes, see what they saw and feel what they felt even when they didn't tell you the exact details.

Both my eyes and ears are reopen now. I think I am a gifted child whose eyes and ears are meant to be kept open. I will be there for you if you need one to talk to. To cut it short, I trust you for how much you choose to trust me.

Labels: thoughts

written @2:39 AM 0 comments

thoughts of the day

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I wonder...

if there is really a pure friendship between a guy and a girl...
how does it feels to have your very best friend that you share your everything with him/her to have fallen in love with you...
when one lost his own source of sharing with the one he used to trust most, who could he heads to up next?
why one who loves or being loved by his/her circle of friends/relatives will lose/choose to abandon the entire circle when things didn't work out as how they want it to be in the end of the day...

Always remember that...

when we are trying to minimize the hurt, we are actually maximizing it...

the higher the expectation, the higher the disappointment...
the rule of being an observer on the outside is to listen and to support but do nothing to help mediate the entire situation even though you know you could have do something...
when you are not capable and ready to listen with empathy, don't offer yourself...
staying by one's side, the feedback you get will not be only appreciation but it could also be guiltiness, anger, and annoyance...
you will only hate someone if only you love him/her... you won't hate that person if you like him/her.... because liking will only cause disliking...

I realize that...

my heart and feelings outperform my brain... both positive and negative ways...
when I use my brain everything will gone wrong except maths...
the more you try to rationalize something, the more likely you are to diagnose the problem wrongly...
asking right at the face is the correct way to clear your doubts... though not everyone has the guts to do it but hinting and guessing will creates not just confusion but disaster...

Labels: inner thoughts

written @11:52 PM 0 comments

sack

Friday, May 15, 2009

It is a heavy snowy day. I could see myself pulling a big sack alike the Santa Claus, dragging it along the snowy hill. Yet I am not a Santa. Hence the sack is not filled with presents and gifts of happiness but a baggage full of emotional pasts.

Then there appears a voice instructing me to put down the sack in the middle of the hill road, and abandon it. I am told not to look back but to move forward. My heart feels very heavy and I cried while I still continue walking. Walking aimlessly, I see nothing at the front but snow.

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I see myself as the sack now. I am glad that she abandoned me and walked away finally. I am happy for her putting the heavy burden down aka me. Happy tears dropped but I still wish and pray hard that she will never look back and come back to me. Only with that she will find her own happiness.

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I see myself back to the me now. Somehow, I heard what the sack said and I can't continue walking anymore. I turn back and look at the lonely sack that is abandoned by me at the hill road side earlier. I really miss her and I feel like going back to her now. I feel sorry for abandoning her and see myself as a selfish person as well. All these years, she chose to stay by my side, gave me all the supports I needed, never complain a single thing; and that made me a stronger person today. How could I be so cruel to have abandon her behind?

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I see myself standing right in front of the sack now. I am still crying but I have came back to her. I think the crying makes me feel tired. Slowly, I squat down and pat the sack. I don't know what I want to do now. The voice appears again, asking me whether I am going to squat here throughout the snowy day. I tell her that even I am to move forward, I could only see myself walking aimlessly in the snow. There is no grass but only snow and hill. Even if I get to walk through the snow, I see myself in the dessert instead. There is no grass, no water, no single human. I will be walking aimlessly that's all. No one knows what will happen tomorrow. As for now, I just want to be with my sack. It has been hours and I am still squatting right in front of her. I know she is looking into my eyes. I know she is.

Labels: inner thoughts, pictures

written @10:15 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A little boy asked, "why is a whale a mammal?"
A little girl asked, "why is sky blue in color?"

Innocent little kids do ask many questions...
Why adults don't?

A little boy just came back from school.. the first thing he did was telling the Mom what happened in school today.. what happened to his class.. what he did to his classmates etc.
A little girl hug her Dad when she saw her Dad back home.. telling the Dad what she did today and what the Mom has cooked for her...

Innocent little kids tell every details..
Why are adults hesitate to tell?

A little boy saw a 5 cents coins on her mom's cosmetic table.. and he took it without his Mom consent.. denied when the Mom questioned him..
A little girl grabbed a cookie from the jar but told her Mom that the sister took it instead...

Kids lie..
Adults lie as well... but a bigger lie...

Labels: random

written @1:29 AM 0 comments

心情故事

Monday, May 11, 2009

我眼中的世界好像变灰了
做事没劲了
胃口没了
睡不着了
脾气暴躁了
快乐您跑去哪了

Labels: inner thoughts

written @11:59 PM 0 comments

Saturday, May 9, 2009

崩溃的定义是什么?

written @2:52 AM 0 comments

Friday, May 8, 2009

A nice friend of mine shared with me a business FM website which I find it really cool..

Here is one recorded interview I found from the website.The interview topic is "Use of Psychometric Tools for Hiring" and the VIP being interviewed is Kevin Tan, from Omni View Consultancy

- Using tools such as Harrison Assessment for better hiring
- How the Harrison Assessment works

- Changing the boss is not an option. So your next best option is to work with the boss.

- Dealing with people who possess problematic traits

For more information, please click www.bfm.my

Labels: video

written @12:14 AM 0 comments

incomplete

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Somehow, I managed to survive another April and step into the blossom May. This is the 4th year to be and I can't tell that I am entirely over it yet. I can't recall that I did some "brainwork" on it because this April is the busiest month I ever experienced. Likewise, I can't tell whether I am real busy or appeared busy all the time. I splurge once near the end of April that's all. Other than that it's all about studies and msn...

I find myself appears on msn more often than before.. I find myself more talkative than before as well. Most of all, I find myself not being honest with myself as days go by. Does that equivalent to that I crap most of the time?

I watched the movie "The Uninvited" with Kevin, Chun Feng, Michael, and Joanna yesterday (a Monday). I never watch the Korean version "The Tale of Two Sisters" before, hence I have nothing to compare with. It didn't appear to be a horror film to me because it gave me less horror than I expected it to be and also it did not appear as how the norm defines a horror film to be alike. Rather, it surprised me with a tale, a story that stands by its own; and amazed me with the psychological terror they blended in.

I missed a little of the front part but it's fine for me. What first caught my eye wasn't the little girl who snapped her head around but it was those words the counselor said to Anna. He mentioned something about we choose to forget something in our life but remember something else and that does not make us a nonhuman. Those missing pieces in life might not make your life miserable unless you acknowledge that as a problem. What about those incomplete leftovers? You will want to make it as a whole in the of the end of the day because that completes you as a person too. Believe it or not, those leftover pieces are either something positive or neutral to us. Because it's human nature to avoid bad things and unhappy memories? Unlike jigsaw puzzle which you can only match the perfect pieces with the fixed columns, human's brain puzzle can be adjusted to whichever form we want it to be so as to make sense. Anna completed a new story that flows so well and she managed to live through it. I live in such way too (I mean the concept as a whole). Yea. a fake world but it completes you as a whole until the day you are told the truth behind. Cognitive dissonance won't appear until you acknowledge that the truth is inconsistent with your perceived truth.. and the longer you live with it, the harder it is to accept the real truth, especially if you were told by the person who was on the inside with you for all these.

Somehow, I slowly recognize that I have many missing pieces about that entire issue which has haunted me for years. Intentionally of unintentionally, I am now trying to retrace as much missing pieces as possible. I even have the thought of asking the person who is on the inside with me because he knows the best. Yet, a thought being a thought because I still fear facing the person. Why do I want to retrace them when they already been missing for years? I want to explore the truth, rationalize every consequences, just like Anna in the movie. They explored Anna's act and all those ambiguous scenes to clear the audience's curiosity, while I am exploring it for my own sake of curiosity. Is it very important? Yea. because I am incomplete now.

On a very different note, I wonder how much capacity a human heart has. While you are tired of trying every possibility to deal with an entire mess, you are still able to create another mess. I think baby's poop is way more organized than this... at least they make poop only after they have eaten...

p/s: I am sorry if you don't understand at all. If only I could be less lazy and summarize the film for you or you have watched the film or we are the same type of person. Aside of that, you will be left with tones of confusion.

Labels: daily ramblings, inner thoughts, movie, the self

written @3:57 AM 0 comments

my girl...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

If this is my girl, I will be very proud of her..

Labels: video

written @8:07 PM 0 comments

a little more about me.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Happy Labor Day!

I am tagged by Betsy Yeo!

Here's the direction:

Once you've been tagged, you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you. At last, choose five people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.

I think I need a blood pressure monitor because I am not feeling well again.. just like few years back :(
I like to emo.
I have unique preference over guys: kind, dedicated, ambitious, giving, silver gray hair/bald, with beard, blacks, tall, big-size
I want to watch horror movies.
I am desperate for a boyfriend. Kevin predicted it but he didn't know that I want a Vin-Diesel like boyfriend :P
I cut myself before back in year 2002.
I am looking for a love-at-first-sight handbag.. regardless of the price! I really mean it!
I munch too much over the week and I feel like purging :(
I like Bugs Bunny, Tom & Jerry; not Cinderella.
Countries I would like to visit before I die: Seattle, Venice, North Africa.
If I am to choose any places to hang out, my all-time favorite would be cafe, cafe, and only cafe that serves espresso :)
I find it hard to admit that I am sick just because I am on the inside :(
If I am not up for psychology, I might study interior or fashion design.
I don't plan unless I am forced to do so. That explains why Mandy being Mandy all time.
My ambition was to become a doctor and that was since age 4? but I am afraid of blood starting only when I was 16 :(
Up to date, my sleepless record is 46 hours.

I tag -->

1. Ivy - for you are still my gf.
2. Kevin - for I like to know more about the deep you.
3. Sharon - for I am gonna miss you for a week.
4. Sam & Cheryl - for I am curious if you guys still read my blog :P

Labels: random thoughts, tag, the self

written @1:23 AM 0 comments