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Real smile comes from within. :)
Don't frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.


Buongiorno


Buongiorno means Hello! in Italian. Welcome to my land.
I don't know what you can benefit from here but if you don't mind me sharing my own perspectives about life, you are always welcome to leave your footprints here.

As the title per say, I do believe that real smile comes from within. Hence, don't frown because you will never know who's falling in love with your smile.

Smile :-)

Friday, November 6, 2009


I love this so so much since yesterday.


Happy Birthday Betsy Yeo <3

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Thursday, November 5, 2009

Tucker leaves me

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written @11:19 PM 0 comments


Sunday, November 1, 2009

I had three days worth of sleeping. I think it's time to call for an end.

Smile :)

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Saturday, October 31, 2009

I haven't recover. I wish I didn't wake up.

written @4:08 PM 0 comments


more than just Friday.
Friday, October 30, 2009

I have a feeling I am gonna write a diary of today.

If you look at the time of this post being published, it is a morning. I personally think that it is an achievement for an owl like me. I am in college now, is camping in level 4 and is doing work. I slept at 10.30pm yesterday because I self-declared a "don't feel like doing anything day" and also I was emotionally tired. I woke up this morning and I don't see dark circles. It's a miracle and it makes me feel good. I think it's a reward for sleeping early.

It's a new day Mandy, rather than just Friday. I am gonna face it again later. I don't know whether I will deal with it better or worse, but I won't make myself fall again; not the deep hole at least. That is a promise to myself.

-end of monologue-

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written @8:26 AM 0 comments


you are the answer.
Thursday, October 29, 2009

I did this test 2 years ago. The answers are no longer different. *click*

1. You are walking to your boy/girlfriend's house. There are two roads to get there. One is a straight path to take you there quickly, but is very plain and boring. The other is significantly longer but is full of wonderful sights and interesting things. Which one do you take to get to your significant other's house, short or long?

~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. If you take the short road, you fall in love quickly and easily. If you take the long road, you take your time and do not fall in love as easily.
~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
I chose the short path (Before: long path)

2. On the way you see 2 rose bushes, One is full of red roses, the other full of white. You decide to pick 20 roses for your boy/girlfriend, of any color combination. What number of white and red do you pick? (you can pick all of one or any combination of the two)

~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. For example, if you chose 18 red and 2 white, you give 90 and expect 10 return.
~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
I chose all white (Before: 5 red 15 white)

3.You finally get to the house. A family member answers the doors. You can have them get your boy/girlfriend or go get them yourself. Which do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. If you asked the family member to get your significant other, then you like to avoid problems and hope that they will solve themselves. If you went to get them yourself, then you are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.
~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
I will have the family member to get for me (Before: family member)

4. You go up to your boy/girlfriend's room, but nobody is there. You decide to leave the roses. Do you leave them by the windowsill or on the bed?

~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
The placement of roses determines how much you like to see your boy/girlfriend. Placing them on the bed means you like to see them a lot, while placing them on the windowsill means that you are alright with not seeing them as much.
~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
I chose the windowsill (Before: bed)

5. Later, it's time for bed, You and your boy/girlfriend go to sleep in separate rooms. In the morning when it's time to wake up you go in his/her room and check on him/her. When you arrive, is he/she awake or asleep?

~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
This representative of your attitude towards their personality. If you find him/her asleep, you love your boy/girlfriend the way he/she is. If you find him/her awake, you expect him/her to change for you.
~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
He is asleep (Before: asleep as well)

6. Now it's time to go back home. Do you take the short, plain road or the longer, more interesting road?

~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. If you chose the short road, you fall out of love easily. If you chose the longer one, you will tend to stay in love for a long time.
~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~
I chose the longer path (Before: the longer path as well)

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written @7:10 PM 0 comments


Be there.

Mandy woke up and recalled what had happened. Should've just listen to what Daddy said. Anyhow, it is nothing big. Stop it Mandy. You are gonna work harder tomorrow.

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written @6:53 PM 0 comments


This is no good.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009

You know what? I am getting more and more prone to attention-seeking these days. I want to talk from time to time. I want to feel important. I want to feel loved.

I miss Tinkerbell.

I am seeking deadlines.

Nov 13 PSY316 15 pages report due
PSY302 xxx pages proposal due
Nov 17 PSY110b Personal Integrative Career Report due

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Rationale.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Tucker has recovered. He kicks me from time to time. The moment I put him down he snores.


Tucker hasn't been eating since he was sick. It has been two weeks. I am now at the stage where people say what is good for Tucker and I will get for him.

ehem. That's my car. My Tucker's food.

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Kevin the life coach.
Sunday, October 25, 2009


I think I owe him something...

Happy Birthday Kevin Saw!

You owe me lotsa things. Deep talk sessions, berbonding-bonding sessions, nice lunch/ dinner together, and car rides. I miss you :(

My intention is as pure as water. Just so you know. :P

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Friday, October 23, 2009

"Life can be like riding a bullet train, but don't forget to smell the rose around you when you stop" (Lee, 2009)

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written @6:59 PM 0 comments


From this moment.



From this moment, I know how much you weigh on my heart.

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The stars shine bright.
Thursday, October 22, 2009

"I like your idea"
"I like your emphasis on..."
"We will like... I am sure the organization will like this"
"You are by far the only group doing this.. using this concept..."
"We should use this to assess future teams"
"Each subgroup has something that stands out among the other groups"
"Very good"
"Very ambitious"
"Intensive"

*However, the sentence that hit Brandon the most was "If you have change these things, you will have a really strong proposal".

Ambitious means you need to work harder. Point proven.

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written @8:01 PM 0 comments


let go.

It's hard to mend.

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fascinated?
Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I recognize that life is like a roller coaster. That moment you were so fascinated with new lives, then the next moment you were so fascinated by their death and sickness. I don't know whether I am coping with Tinkerbell's death, but I am sure that I am now left with just Tucker to care for. The cycle of life for my pet seems to be fast forwarded thousand years ahead. I witness Tucker getting more and more sick in just two weeks time. I started from doing everything possible to make him recover; this includes changing the water, the medicine, the variety of food, the environment, the temperature; to learned helplessness. I set my expectations lower and lower by days, train myself to be a workaholic so I won't shake Tucker from time to time just to ensure that he won't be like Tinkerbell the next morning I wake up. Up to yesterday, I still hope that Tucker will at least eat though I don't know whether a tortoise/turtle can starve for more than 6 days. Now, all I want from Tucker is just keep moving.

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written @12:55 AM 0 comments


Sum of the week
Sunday, October 18, 2009

This is the most happening week I supposed.

12 Oct was my birthday.

(Kevin and Joyce are being left out. Imagine them*)

They threw me a surprise party at night even though they were exhausted after a day full with classes and exam. Hmm... now I know why my thick face email received no response at all. I don't know who is the organizer / co-organizer, but I really appreciate everything that you guys did for me. I mean it from time to time, not just that entire night. I don't remember the place the surprise party took place. I only knew that I fall into the trap voluntarily (via a sms sent to KevinS) and I get to eat Korean bibimbap with a bunch of wonderful people that entire night. I also had a wonderful mud slice, which CF went up and down the hill for it, as my birthday cake. hehe... I remember the first birthday cake I had was bought by myself. It's a big slice of San Francisco cheesecake. It's a beautiful record that I must keep for myself indeed :P

The family celebrated with me two days before. Then again I realize I only eat vege most of the time aside of bibimbap.



This birthday creates a huge sense of responsibility in me. I own a key which could drive me everywhere I want to. I own Tucker, a gift from Ivy, which is also my first pet in life. This is the last best pic I have of him because he is now sick and become less active.


Then I own Tinkerbell. A gift from Kevin, Joyce, Michael and Jeff. This is the only pic I have of him.

I am sorry to tell that Tinkerbell has passed away this noon. He is suspected to have bitten by some type of mosquito and his condition was considered quite chronic. Hence also explains why Tucker get infected within 24 hours. It was only yesterday I got him medicine. Being so clueless and all, I went inside with the two of them and just speak out my concern. I asked everything from their condition to the water, the medicine, the food. All I want is just to have both Tucker and Tinkerbell to get well as soon as possible. I witnessed how much Tinkerbell suffered while in the water full with medicine. Perhaps it's the pain that made him struggled so much inside the water. He was still breathing and moving before I went to bed the night before. If I was not so exhausted and I slept later, Tinkerbell would have been saved. If only I give a little more care...

I have only Tucker left now. He seldom move and hasn't been eating over the past two days. Could someone teach me what to do? I am afraid that I might shake him again and again just to make sure that he is alive. :(

written @1:41 AM 0 comments


SOS
Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I suspect Tinkerbell is sick!

Symptoms: *click*
1) swollen eyes
2) open mouth breathing /gasping for breath
3) has stopped eating
4) bulging out of the shell
5) lethargic

How? How? How? HELP!!!

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Blessed
Sunday, October 11, 2009

I feel blessed because someone prayed for me. Without thinking much, I pray for her too. I couldn't tell the reason but it does not matter right. All in all, she will be blessed because of my prayers. May you be blessed too <3

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Every little thing you do.
Saturday, October 10, 2009



You might not know how much joy does Tucker bring me. This is his sleeping pose tonight. Somehow it reminds me of CF :P

Now it's video time. Every little thing he does amaze me from time to time.
Disclaimer: These videos could be quite bored because it's Tucker.





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The center of attention
Friday, October 9, 2009


This is the real Tucker. I didn't train him to be like this. I need to claim that this is only the third day he is here. Food wise I can't help but this is the family culture. It's better to give more than less. That's the Mom's quote. I swear I didn't buy Tucker kangkung and when I was home his home is full of kangkungs. Whether you eat or you starve that's your choice. That's my line. I guess Tucker is gonna starve tonight. I am not evil. I am applying extinction only ;)

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written @7:35 PM 0 comments


Let's call it a day.
Thursday, October 8, 2009

I reached home around 10. Tucker wasn't responding. He didn't respond when I cuddled him. He didn't even stretch his hands and legs. When I placed him back to his home, he hid his hands and legs and even his head inside his shell. First thing that came to my mind was to question the Sister. The Mom said she talked to Tucker today. That's a red light signal.

Being clueless and all, I fed Tucker one pellet. I knew he doesn't welcome me because he kept showing me his back! Hence I walked away and stared at him from far. Guess what? He stretched out his head, hands and legs; AND EAT THE PELLET! Not just that. No matter how I turn his home (definitely not upside down), he will pose with his back towards me. I don't talk terrapin language but it is obvious that he beh song me! I ignored him too then. It's reciprocal and I am not guilty for that k?

I am not so cruel after all. I did check the vege he likes to use as a shelter. It was exactly the same as yesterday. Yea. It was an overnight vege because I have no time to get him kangkung. It's obvious that he threw tantrum at me, ain't he? What should I do with this spoiled brat? Could someone please guide me?

I can't believe the fact that I was actually googling about "how to take care terrapins/turtles".

Patience and endurance are all I need now. No matter how much I complain about Tucker, I still love him as who he is.


On a different note, I realize that I can't resist the temptation of Ikea's coffee. I like their Cappuccino. Though it couldn't be compared to those coffee giants but the quality definitely beats the price. It's less price, high value.


This film is the first ever film I watched with my eyes shut almost 3/4 of the running time. Both Sharon and I didn't expect it to be a serial killer storyline after all. I don't fancy serial killing and disgusting scenes. If you are one, you might want to watch it and give some comments. For me, it's just going to give me another nightmares. But then after all, there are still hot scenes from time to time inside this film. You might want to hold your jaw as well.

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written @11:05 PM 0 comments


insights.

How much does you allow one to affect you or take charge of your life is entirely a choice.

When a lie covers another lie, eventually it will be hard for one to bear.

You could ask for more time but when it involves other people, it no longer allows you to do things your own way.

Explore it. With the one involved. Because he is the only one who could help you fully overcome it.

I am glad that I am picking things up again.

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living with livings.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Today is the day which I unofficially welcome him to my life. Thank you Ivy for bringing him to me. His name is Tucker. It is because I want him to live tough and well. Let's pray that he will survive under my care.

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written @11:40 PM 0 comments


"brain drain"

Yesterday, I wanted so much to state "I hate tuna!" everywhere. I wanted so much for it to appear on my blog as well. Perhaps then I felt childish after pasting it on fb and msn, I cancelled my so-called intention. Partially it was due to me feeling extremely dizzy yesterday as well. The feeling of passing out was so uncommon but I am glad that I made it to bed before it happened. It was till this noon only I get to wake up. It is scary to be constantly "living in your dreams" where everything seems so real and happening, everything is out of your hand; and you wanted so much to wake up right at the time! I am exhausted. It's both physically and mentally to the extend that I don't even want to brainstorm while in the workshop earlier. I hate it. Should I change to the word "dislike" to make it not so harsh?

I am now typing my post using gmail. I don't know why I feel like puking when I look at the "create post" box. It makes me feel sick and it pushes all my thoughts away. Could that be something that is lying beyond my unconscious mind? Am I being too ignorant and too careless to the extend that I didn't even notice it?

I hate people being pushy. I am sorry that I can't replace it with "dislike" because I am really sick of people of such characteristic. I hate it even more when his intention was too good to the extend that it serves no room for critiques and that also makes me have no reasons to say "No".

How to be frank when you want to be frank? How to be frank when you are already trying to be frank? Don't get me?

Things meant to be told must we tell? Things meant to be asked must we ask? What meant to be told and to be asked then? What are the no no? Could they be notified too? You know this moment, it pops up something. The next moment it pops up another. Then it pops up continuously but I still can't catch the time interval. It is scary because every time you were expected to give an answer. Cautiously and carefully. You would need to think again and again! I can no longer measure and judge my thoughts. I just feel like banging the wall right now :(

It's so easy to tell someone just to follow your heart but sometimes the heart tends to betray you.

Omg. Ben just sent me a biscuit! It's so big and yummy and the moment it "pops" out to my lappie screen it makes me burst into tears. He makes me feel real good now. Everything is not important any more. No more.

*click to enlarge and see how amazing it is!

Thank you so much Ben. Thank you so much!!!


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thoughts.
Saturday, October 3, 2009

It's mid autumn festival. I no longer fancy mooncakes as compared to years before. I don't like lanterns since I was 9 or 10. I burn lanterns more than I play them. I prefer to look up to the sky and watch the moon instead. So there it goes. A typical introvert :P

I went to CF's bro wedding dinner yesterday night. It was my pleasure to give blessings to the newly married couple. It was awesome to have great companions throughout the night as well. Once again, thank you CF for the invitation :)

I have a slight change of perception towards marriage after this entire night. Or rather it's a change perception towards relationships. One of it would be laughter. It matters because it tells you how much you enjoy each other's company and it gives us surprises from time to time. Another would be growth and respect. I think finding a partner whom I could grow together with matters a lot. I am looking forward for the both of us to have a sharing vision, which is more meaningful and more powerful than that of passion, and that which could bring us even closer.

I am questioning my intention this time around. Every little step I am taking every now and then have to be so cautious to the extend that I can't even let my heart to tell me what to do up next.

My thoughts are jumbled up. Hence the post.

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written @11:54 PM 0 comments


抱歉
Friday, October 2, 2009

在爱情里所说的抱歉, 是对不起他, 还是你自己? - 藤井树

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written @1:05 AM 0 comments


what a night.again.
Thursday, October 1, 2009



Drawings won't lie.

Loneliness kicks in again.

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written @1:43 AM 0 comments


stupid or gungho
Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I. attended. workshops. from. 10. to. 7.40pm. today.
This. is. call. stupid. or. gungho?


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written @10:29 PM 0 comments


The phlegmatic-melancholic
Monday, September 28, 2009

I read from Ai's blog. Hence I have an exact copy paste from catholicmatch too :P

The phlegmatic-melancholic is introverted (though less so than the melancholic-phlegmatic), which means that his deep emotions and anxieties tend not to be clearly expressed. They tend to react extremely slowly when confronted by antagonism or strong emotions. They are personable, quiet, and gentle. They value harmonious relationships. When you are first entering a relationship with a phlegmatic-melancholic, you may be struck by how easy-going and agreeable they are, but be aware that they are not revealing the depth of their emotions to you. They are deeply sensitive and value harmony and high ideals within a relationship. As a result of his delayed and sometimes dull response, a phlegmatic-melancholic will be slower to speak out, tempted to procrastinate, and reticent. They may appear – or believe themselves -- at times to be “lazy.” At times when the melancholic aspect dominates, he will have plenty of time in which mull over in his mind what his response should have been. He may become easily offended (though he may not reveal this to you) or discouraged. The phlegmatic attentiveness to relationships, and to getting along and keeping the peace, will “take the edge off” some of the melancholic tendency to perfectionism and critical judgments of others. On the other hand, because he may be more easily offended, he may want to be critical of others yet hesitant to confront directly. The dominance of the phlegmatic temperament may also drive the melancholic proclivity to order and neatness out of the picture.

If you are a phlegmatic-melancholic, you will show a cooperative spirit and a desire to please, and will value harmonious relationships. You are particularly gifted in teaching, mediating among groups, and at counseling individuals. And though yours isn’t the most dynamic temperament, your lack of defensiveness, calmness under pressure, and gift for mediation in critical situations can make you a very effective servant-leader, one who is willing to roll up his sleeves and work along with those he leads by example.

This temperament combination can face at times a greater challenge to his confidence than other temperaments (especially the choleric or sanguine). For this reason, when you are facing a major challenge or have been given a multi-faceted and demanding project, it will be absolutely critical for you to maintain your level of energy and motivation — not to mention your prayer life-- to complete the project. You will want to anticipate the way your moods can get you off track, and take concrete steps to maintain accountability in order to remain focused and energized throughout the task. Motivational tapes, exercise and a healthy diet, spiritual guidance, and a strong sacramental life will be critical. You will also need to maintain your focus on the big picture at all times, and not be distracted by the “urgent” demands of the moment, or by what other people may ask of you. To this end, it is always wise to seek regular professional, personal, and spiritual guidance from qualified individuals. In order for the phlegmatic temperament to achieve success and reach his goals, he should always work with a motivational program that provides structure, inspires confidence, and ensures accountability.

If you are phlegmatic-melancholic, it’s likely that you are a bit more upbeat than the melancholic-phlegmatic, a little less introverted, more trusting, slightly less moody, more generous with your time, and a more gracious host. You will rarely find yourself angry (though your feelings may be easily hurt), forgive more readily, and do not hold onto hurts in the same way that a more dominantly melancholic temperament would. You are compassionate, sensitive, caring, and tend to gravitate to the helping professions. You are a patient and caring teacher. You are not as “perfectionist” as a pure melancholic, and generally struggle with organization, planning, and a tendency to procrastinate. You find it difficult to set limits or turn someone down who asks a favor of you; you may be especially drawn to volunteer or missionary work, the apostolate, or other works of mercy. Though very generous, you may find it difficult to set priorities or limits. Your phlegmatic side makes it hard to say “no” – although you really want to. Sometimes your generosity can result in not enough time to “get organized,” be prepared, or to relax. Burn-out and feeling overwhelmed may result.

If your temperament is phlegmatic-melancholic, for a better understanding of your temperament it is recommended that you read the full descriptions of the phlegmatic and melancholic.

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written @11:58 PM 0 comments


Sunday, September 27, 2009

Wedding is a significant event for two. It takes two to tango. When you decide to walk in alone, you must face those fears and challenges all by yourself. You are afraid because you aren't prepared. Your mind is blank because you have no idea how does the inside look like. Hence, Mandy Kok, learn your lesson and get fully prepared for next year's.

What is the feeling of getting to meet a guy who was my first crush in a friend's 21st birthday party after 9 years?

It's a kind of happiness that can only be self-defined. There's no chemistry, no funny feeling in the stomach, but you tend to look for him everywhere. I still adore his intelligence, his knowledge, his speaking tone, his carefulness, and his directness. This is the type of guy I am looking for. A guy who is more knowledgeable, smarter than me; a guy who would appear like a senior to me and is able to help me with my assignments and work; a guy who will be able to lend me his shoulder; decisive yet not trying to control, caring yet not over protective, cool yet not overly quiet, clean cut but not overly perfect.

I am not daydreaming. This guy does exist and we met after 9 years. How much I wished that we'd get into the same secondary school. How much I wished that we'd enrol into the same university or college just so that we could continue from where we stopped. It's all just because I didn't get to met such a capable "senior" like him ever then.

A friend planned to get married at the age of 21st and she did. A friend planned to get the S University at the age of 19 and her dreams came true. What about me?

I am only aware that even if I am able to travel back in time, I will make the same choice again. I have no regrets.

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written @1:41 AM 0 comments


Grooming & Fashion.
Saturday, September 26, 2009

I forgot how did I get here... It's all about grooming and fashion tips, by Esther Ku, the owner for Culture Couture

For Men *click*

For Women *click*

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written @3:17 PM 0 comments


Sugar overloads
Thursday, September 24, 2009

Ms Bloggy wants to cheer up. Hence some recent photos here...


Hibiscus fountain in front of Pavilion


Rawrr!!!


The Sister craved for a slimming dessert @ MOF


Bad camwhore skills.


@VIP toilet.
I ain't kidding. There are only toilets for two.


One word. Cute!


I'm gonna catch You!!!


It's really really small @ Bentong, Pahang.


Clay facial wash. Bagus!

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written @11:50 PM 0 comments


思念
Wednesday, September 23, 2009

感情需要培养
爱是被经营的

I am worried.
I am afraid.
I am not prepared.
I don't know how to get prepared either.

生离死别
是注定吗?

我只能量力而为
我只能为您祈祷

我 真 的 害 怕 会 失 去 您

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written @11:49 PM 1 comments


'm gonna curse.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Willingness. to. care.
The heart to care.

Are you insane?!!!

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written @12:04 AM 0 comments


this.is.what.i.call.achievement
Monday, September 21, 2009

I can cook carbonara spaghetti for 10 servings.

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written @9:07 PM 0 comments


be courage.
Sunday, September 20, 2009

awww. I am getting rewards for getting an A-. I love you Papa! I love you too, Mama <3

I just bragged about it but it's a lovely post after all. For those who scored well, congratulations. For those who are did not obtain a satisfied score, be strong and be courage k? Gambateh! Fighting!

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written @1:02 AM 0 comments



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